College and career planning for teens: Tips and talking points (from an expert who could have used them)

Do you remember the first time someone asked you, “So… what do you think you want to DO?” How old were you? Maybe 16?  Most of us were probably still learning how to parallel park, and yet somehow, this is when society suggests teens should be making major life decisions. Based on what though? Their vast years of exposure to various career paths, salary bands, job titles, and industries? HA! It is wild to me that we expect teenagers to know this stuff, so much so, that we actually cosign these decisions (and loans) and then feel frustrated when they sometimes graduate with little more direction than they started with.  

I mean, is it any wonder why so many young people simply follow in their parents’ professional footsteps? They have a baseline understanding of the profession, built-in mentors, maybe a guaranteed internship or job after college… yea, sounds super appealing! Do I blame them? Of course not. Do I see a lot of clients 4-5 years later who regret making that decision though? Often.

Just like my clients in their 30s, 40s, and beyond, young people want to understand their options and they want a decent shot at possibly enjoying their chosen career. So how do we afford them the time, insight, and exposure necessary to make more informed choices? In my opinion, it’s not just about when we ask these questions – it’s about what and how we’re asking. And considering what I do for a living, you might think I had this all figured out.  I did not.  I was actually a perfect example of how – in the absence of career advising tools, conversations, and resources – teenagers will usually follow the career path of least resistance. Spoiler alert: mine had nothing to do with my current field. I don’t regret taking the scenic route to get here, but I do wish someone had pulled me aside and had a very different conversation with me at 15. Here’s my story – followed by a few tips to help you better navigate the career planning discussion with the teens in your life.

The year was 2001.

I was a sophomore in high school the first time I was put into “college prep” classes based on my grades and my English teacher suggested I join the school newspaper. When I asked why, she said, “…because journalism is something you can major in when you go to college.”  And with that, going to college became a thought. It wasn’t that I was oblivious to the fact that many of my peers were starting to talk about it, but until that point, I just hadn’t considered it. For context, I only have one (younger) sibling, and my parents both worked blue-collar jobs without ever going through a traditional four-year college experience, so there just wasn’t a baseline understanding of how this all worked.

Writing was my “obvious strength,” which is why it was called out by my teacher, so I joined the paper and never looked back. I mean, I was 15. I didn’t know what I didn’t know, so when the universe handed me a decent option, I ran with it. It never even occurred to me that I should be seeking a backup plan - or three.  I loved Carrie Bradshaw though, a columnist on “Sex in the City;” as well as the movie “Live from Bagdad” with Michael Keaton, based on the true story of CNN’s live coverage of the Persian Gulf War (still a favorite). So, in 2001, with limited research (or resources to do so, compared to now), I stared at my 13” TV and took notes from the only career advisor I had… HBO.  

Exposure, I have learned, is an incredible privilege; one that can alter the trajectory of a teenager’s life if they’re empowered to act on it. Some people have Ivy League families with generations of advice and connections; I was more Rec League… with a TV.

Fortunately, the University of New Hampshire (UNH) was only 10 minutes away and offered a journalism program. This was it. Room and board were out of the question, financially, so commuting was the goal. I needed my car, needed to work, and needed to get in and out of UNH in as few semesters as possible. I even dropped $800 I had saved on a Media & Mass Communications course the summer before my senior year in high school so I could write about it in my admissions essay. I was dialed in, and luckily, my (only) application to UNH was accepted.

Fast-forward, my college years came with a tornado of unexpected hurdles; my lung collapsed sophomore year; my dad died junior year; and my childhood friend/roommate passed away in a car accident senior year. Needless to say, by the time I hit my last semester, relocating an hour away for my internship at a daily newspaper was a welcomed escape. The internship gifted me with two major realizations: 1) to publish 100 bylines in a small-town publication, you have to get really creative – and really comfortable talking to strangers; and 2) that I never wanted to work for a daily newspaper. Awesome.

Once I graduated in May of 2007, I moved back to my hometown, found an apartment, and wrote monthly checks - for years - towards the $65K balance I had amassed for that BA. Thank God for bartending.  After one year of decompressing and slinging drinks, I followed my roommate into a temp agency, hoping to land a benefited copywriting gig, and ironically, the agency hired me internally. Over the next two years, I received a crash course in employment psychology, recruiting, sales and talent operations. While the grind of staffing was not my thing, the employment sector was, so I transitioned into higher ed career services, employer branding, and corporate recruiting. Now, more than 15 years later, I couldn’t imagine doing anything else.

Did I get lucky? Absolutely. I’ve worked my ass off to get to where I am, but luck, kismet, the universe - whatever you want to call it - absolutely had a hand in my trajectory. I still love writing (as you can see), but now I write about the space I chose to pursue. No one ever told me I could leverage my “obvious strength” in that way, where I’m scratching the itch to write, but also educating the audiences I enjoy working with and empowering.

So where does this leave us with our initial question? What should we actually be asking young people to help them think about this massively important phase of their life, especially when they might be considering hitching their wagon to an expensive next step they’re unsure of? Whether you’re a guardian, mentor, or the actual teen in question, here are a few ways to reposition this discussion when you’re / they’re ready. The sooner you can start planting and watering these seeds though, the better.

Instead of: “What do you want to DO?”

Try: “You know, most people don’t stay in the same job forever. On average, people change fields about seven times over the course of their career. What are a few things you’re thinking you might like to explore first?”

The logic: By clarifying up front that their career can, and probably will, take them in many different directions, you’re normalizing the fact that change is inevitable and they are not actually marrying this choice forever. It is simply the first of many, and by acknowledging the first is merely a stop on the journey, rather than the final destination, you release a lot of that pressure that can lead to hasty decision making. Research is the goal here. Encourage them to watch “day in the life of____” videos on YouTube. The algorithm will actually help them by bringing more similar videos into view, so a slight nudge down this rabbit hole can go a long way.

Instead of: “What do you want to major in? You better pick something that can get you a job. Just go into accounting.”

Try: “If you’re unsure about what you want to major in, you can actually go in undeclared. Undeclared students spend the first year or two chipping away at the same general education classes as everyone else, so you can give yourself more time to explore the majors that are offered without falling behind.”

The logic: By removing the need to “just pick” a major up front, you’re affording them more time …time to mature/become more independent, time to meet different people, and time to gain exposure to dozens of new majors and fields. (UNH alone has over 200 majors!) Trust me when I tell you that Freshman-year osmosis is an amazing thing. Once they’re surrounded by new communities of peers and advisors who are motivated and passionate about a variety of topics, they will naturally broaden their horizons as they watch their friends do it, allowing them to select a major that better aligns with what they’re feeling inspired to learn more about. Even if they change majors again after that, they’re doing so based on facts now – rather than just guesses or assumptions. Figuring out what you don’t want to do is half the battle – let’s afford them that chance minus the shame. Better they change majors, than graduate into a field they hate.

Instead of: “You’re going to college. You better start applying.” [I strongly advise against forcing college.]

Try: “How are you feeling about college? Do you think you want to explore it, or do you prefer to work full-time after graduation? There are also cool ‘gap year’ programs we can look at. Whatever you decide, just know that your first year out of high school will not dictate what you can or can’t due if you change your mind. It might be hard to watch your friends go off in other directions, but this is your future - not mine, and not theirs. Take the time if you need it.”

The logic: By not pressuring them into a potentially expensive commitment they feel unsure about, you’re making it clear that they have options, AND that you are here – ears open without judgment – for when they want to soundboard those options. You’re also setting a clear boundary (very important) that staying home and not working/doing anything productive after graduation is NOT an option (if that’s how you feel). Important: Comparison syndrome is a real thing, especially for teens whose friends’ broadcast their post-grad journey across social media. Be prepared to remind them of their options if they begin to regret their decision. (It’s not a bad thing for them to reflect in this way and can lead to them being more decisive and forward-thinking in the future.)

A final thought for those with teens who want to bypass college: I strongly encourage establishing timelines and guardrails that make sense for your household – for their sake and for yours. Here is a possible talk-track that you can modify with your parameters:

“You are more than welcome to take X months to get yourself ready, but by [X date], you’ll either start paying $X dollars in rent, or moving out. I just want you to have enough time to save up, research, and prepare. You’re an adult now and these are the options.”  Parents, I’m sorry to say it like this, but if you don’t want your kid living with you rent-free after a certain point, you need to make life a little less comfortable for them. If you continue to feed them, house them, and pay for everything, why would they leave?! I mean, it sounds like you raised a pretty smart kid who sees what a great thing they have going for them, no? Just keep in mind that real change comes from an uncomfortable place and discomfort can be a hell of a motivator.